Monday, April 7, 2014

lose, lose

you and I dived right in
picked up the pace
with no time to waste

But why can’t we accept our feelings
I’m constantly in healing
While you yearn for a freeing

(I’ll be your prophet without a profit)

it’s a lose, lose
it’s not what I choose
And I wish you would meet me half way
it’s a lose, lose
I’m not that amused
At this game that your making me play

So I feel lost and betrayed
This borderline psychosis
Needs to go away
Cause you are cold and intact
As you make your prognosis
And I follow suit

(I’m a puppet and you hold my strings)

it’s a lose, lose
it’s not what I choose
I wish you would meet me half way
it’s a lose, lose
I’m not that amused
At this game that your making me play

so if I spill my heart and give it my all
you’ll tell me im too clingy
so If i tone it down and adjust my approach
you’ll think I’m not invested

it’s a lose, lose
it’s not what I choose
So please meet me half way
it’s a lose, lose
I’m not that amused

At this game that your making me play

Friday, February 28, 2014

for you

I over analyze as I fantasize
Day dreaming, about you
I reflect and dissect on
My past dates before you

I know that my experience warrants some good
I’ve been tested, tried and unglued

I’m sorry I didn’t hold out, for you
I promise to check my baggage, for you
I’ll abandon my fears, for you
I’ll be nothing but great, for you

I find great importance in the balance
Of mutual progression
I’ve collected and perfected
This new outlook for you

I know that my experience warrants some good
I’ve been tested, tried and unglued
Becoming a better version of me
So that I could be with you-

I’ll be versatile, for you
I won’t holdback, for you
There’s no passive aggression, for you
I’ll be nothing but great, for you

This investment of energy
Ensures my heart, won’t be in jeopardy
To see things, so clearly
Ensures this love won’t end prematurely

I won’t shut down, for you
I’ll stay secure, for you
I’ll open up my family, for you
Because I know you’d the same, for me
I know you’d do the same, for me

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

filter

you lacked the confidence, your crooked smile
your blinding aura and i was lured in
your false innocence, your fake swagger
it’s like i’d fallen into quicksand

my lack of experience, you had me wide eyed
this lethal combo had its timeline
my resilience and my demeanor
kept my head above the sand

but you gave the greatest gift you could to me
vision in a way i couldn't see until you broke me

i want to thank you for this filter, a way to weed out your type
you gave me the best assurance, a way to see through their hype

a new prospect, and the mold is filled
familiar signs, a big red flag
there’s no difference, you’re one in the same
but my history won’t repeat itself

you gave the greatest gift you could to me
vision in a way i couldn't see until you broke me

i want to thank you for this filter, a way to weed out your type
you gave me the best assurance, a way to see through their hype

these glasses you gave to me
enabled me, brought parity
and now i can see
through this divine clarity

i want to thank you for this filter, a way to weed out your type
you gave me the best assurance, a way to see through their hype
i want to thank you for this filter, now i know to trust my gut
you gave me reassurance, a way to see through their front

Thursday, January 23, 2014

fifteen stories

At 7:00am you made your bed
Thoughts racing inside your head
With every step you'd recollect
Your misfortune and neglect

At 8:00am our paths crossed
And at that moment all was lost
You on the ledge; helpless
Me on the ground; hopeless

Your mind was made there's no going back
Salvation in the form of black

Fifteen stories and you jumped to your glory
Seeking out something that you couldn't find
Fifteen stories and you jumped toward forgiveness,
Your new found peace and happiness

At 10:00pm I still reflect
Contemplate and dissect
What brought you to the ledge
Strong enough to push you over the edge

Your mind was made there's no going back
Salvation in the form of black

Fifteen stories and you jumped to your glory
Seeking out something that you couldn't find
Fifteen stories and you jumped toward forgiveness,
Your new found peace and happiness

You've affected me in a way I can't explain
And I don't even know your name
You've affected me in a way I can't explain
And I don't even know your name

Fifteen stories and you jumped to your glory
Seeking out something that you couldn't find
Fifteen stories and you jumped toward forgiveness,
Your new found peace and happiness

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Comfort

Another year behind us. Time is flying.

2013 was a great year for me. It brought me to Europe and I got to broaden my cultural horizons by exploring Italy with my family. For almost 24 hours I was by myself and managed to take the bus from the airport, ride the right boat and meet up with our landlord to get the apartment, without having a cellphone. I went sky diving with good friends and for a brief moment, truly felt alive. There is nothing crazier than jumping out of a plane and looking at the earth below you.  2013 continued to bring me clarity and I was able to accomplish one of my biggest goals. Giving up always being right. Over the past few months I have managed to let things go and not feel the need to always have the last word or win an argument. Sometimes winning is just getting past an issue and moving on, no matter who was right, or whose point was understood or truly the right one.

I also got to travel to a few new cities this year and of course frequent Vegas. I got a new job at A&E and directed an episode of Disney Game On. I also started a membership at the gym with Craig and have been enjoying working out and working toward a healthier body and diet.

I think in 2014 I need to focus on my comfort. Stepping out of my comfort zone and not allowing myself to be too comfortable. As I continue to walk through different experiences in life, I realize the most bad ass moments, or the moments that bring me a good epiphany are when I am doing something that makes me uncomfortable. Whether I am going to a new city and exploring it alone, introducing myself to someone I’d be too shy to do otherwise, driving to Mulholland and having a philosophical conversation with a friend or removing myself from the realities of life, jumping out of a plane, deciding to do something completely spontaneous without much planning…To put myself in these situations, will continue to teach me things about not only myself, but other people and life in general.

The other thought on comfort is being too comfortable. Comfort with friends, work, money and life in general, can limit me from achieving more. A promotion, a deeper bond, an opportunity to learn more about myself, a new favorite restaurant, a cool new dive bar, etc. Comfort is great, but potentially limiting.
I hope 2014 brings on new and exciting experiences, new challenges to overcome, a mutually loving relationship, and good health to my friends and family.


Relax. Take it Easy, trust yourself. go against the flow. go with the flow. know when to do both. breathe. scream. yell. laugh. love. find love. find sexual gratification. don't be afraid. don't over analyze. analyze. enjoy the balance. Stop. Pause. Meditate. Relax.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Why Do(n't) You Love Me?

I want to see you, not to appease you 
But because I want to be with you
I want to feel like I yearn to need you
But not forced to always see you
I'd like my yeses to truly mean it
To not fake a smile and nod my head 
But the shoe always fits, its one size fits all 
The ones who like me push me to far

So why do they love me, love me,
When I don't feel the same?
Why do they hold on, hold on,
When I just push them away?

You'd like to love and give it your all
But when faced with it you turn around
This scary idea of having it all
Keeps you distant and unable to fall


But the grass is greener, always on their side
The ones I like, never fully try
It’s like a double edge sword, falling for you
At first it’s thrilling then quickly turning

So why don’t you love me, love me,
When I ignite the flame?
Why don't you keep me? Keep me,
When I play your game?


It’s a bad equation that I just can't solve
I get trapped in this thought of having it all
It’s a bad equation that I just can't solve
I get trapped in this thought of having it all

So why do they love me, love me,
When I don't feel the same?
Why don't you keep me? Keep me,
When I play your game?
So why don’t you love me, love me,

(so why do they love me?)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Mulholland Lights

Jump in my car lets go
Grab the green and philosophy

Jump in my world lets go
Let's unwind, no apologies

When I'm up and I'm fine and reflect on what's mine
When I'm free and alive so happy I could die

Let your lights guide me home

Mulholland, let your turns take me home
When I'm grounded, I go to you, I seek out you.

Jump in my car let's go
I need a fix a quick vacation

Jump in my mind to know
I'm not okay but not to broken

When I'm lost and I'm down and I can't turn around
When life has its grasp and its pushing me down

Let your lights guide me home
Mulholland, let your turns take me home
When I've fallen, I turn to you, I run to you.

I remember the night; I parked, let out and cried.
Your cliffs are home to so much more
Our first time, eyes locked, clothes off
Mulholland, I run to you and explore
thoughts racing, but your view takes me home
your lights guide me home

Let your lights guide me home
Mulholland, let your turns take me home
When I'm grounded, I go to you, I seek out you.
Let your lights guide me home
Mulholland, let your turns take me home
When I've fallen, I turn to you, I run to you